In managing your anger and reflecting before
reacting, try to understand your anger.
Analyze it and look at it and ask yourself three questions:
1. Why
am I angry?
2. What
do I really want? What
do I really want out of this relationship?
What's ticking me off here?
What's getting my goat?
3. How
can I get it? Usually the way I'm blowing up is rarely the
way I get what I really want. It just
doesn't work that way.
Why am I angry?
Stop and think what's making me mad? Whenever you get angry it is always the
result of one of three things:
1. We get
angry when we hurt. When I'm hurt I get
angry. If you're nailing nails with
hammer, you miss the nail and you hit your thumb, you get angry. In a relationship, when somebody's been hurt,
they get angry.
2. We get
angry when we get frustrated. Have you
noticed when the weather is hot and humid everybody gets irritable?
3. Fear is
the third cause. When you push an animal
back into a corner, he's afraid, and eventually he'll attack back. When people get pushed so far that they're
afraid, they feel threatened, they get
angry.
When somebody gets angry at you, rather than
focusing on the anger, focus on which of these three is it really? Are they hurt? Are they frustrated? Are they afraid? If you understand that, isn't that a whole
lot easier to deal with?
It's easier to deal with hurt and frustration and
fear than it is to deal with anger. When
you're hurt or frustrated or fearful you need to tell the person in the
relationship. That's a whole lot easier
to deal with than anger. Always look
behind the cause and see what is causing the real anger. Once you do that, then you're ready to
resolve it.
Just a thought from the front porch…
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