One thing to do to become proactive instead of reactive in a relationship
which is more natural is to seek first to understand then to be understood. Seek first to understand the problem, to make
a proper diagnosis before you make the prescription.
When someone says something that hurts you, take a second and step back
and think "What is going on in that person's life right now that is
causing them to respond or react to me like that?" This doesn't mean that we all have to become
junior therapists. I'm not asking you to
psychoanalyze everybody. What I am
asking you to do, what I'm challenging myself to do, is to empathize. Not psychoanalyze, but to empathize.
Proverbs 15:2 (NIV) "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouth of the fool gushes folly."
Empathy is listening to understand, to gain the knowledge of the
situation, to gain the understanding of where that other person is coming from
before you start reading your own home movies into that situation. It's making a proper diagnosis before the
prescription. Empathetic listening is powerful because it gives you accurate
information from which to go from.
Dr. Stephen Covey wrote a book called 7 habits of Highly Effective
People. I want to recommend it as
well as Principle Centered Leadership,
because it talks a lot about integrity and character.
He said, "Next to physical
survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival – to be
understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated." This one thing will revolutionize every
relationship you have. Remember when you
listen, you learn.
The time you invest to deeply understand the people that you love and the
people that you work with, interact with on a daily basis, reaps huge dividends
in open communication. Gentle people are
proactive not reactive.
Gentleness is the power of your potential under God's control. Gentle people are far from wimps. They're tapped in to the source of the
creator of the universe. Gentle people
have been surprised by the mercy of God.
They are willing to give that mercy to other people.
It's true that gentleness probably won't win any football games. But it will score high points in each of your
relationships. I am convinced if you
will take these five things and honestly apply them to your lives, it will make
a difference. if you want to change somebody else, change yourself first.
How do you do that? Just bring
yourself under God's control and that will radically transform your
relationships for the better.
Just a thought from the front porch…
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